Monady Morning Blues

My weekend was ok, got dragged out on Friday when I would have been happier to stay in, Saturday was better although it started in the worst possible way when I insulted my friends little sister inadvertently but could find no way to dig myself out of the hole I'd made. After that though it was a good night, Leaving Housemate and his gfriend were out, shame it was his sister I insulted.

Might of had something to do with all the recriminations with his family about why he left were taken out on his sister when she had a pop at me. Should have risen above such responses, but my subconscious obviously over-rode my better judgement, c'est la vie. I tried to make an apology and let her know I didn't mean it, but I had to pass my apology on through the Leaving Housemate's semi drunk gfriend, so whether it reached its destination- who knows? Sunday is always a bit of a down day what with the aftermath of alcohol. So it was a quiet one.

Funny I think I might have made a major breakthrough yesterday though. Long story short I found out that my ex is probably seeing someone who I detest, she knows I think he's scum and she can do so much better, but is probably either seeing him or tearing her current bfriend apart by declaring her feeling for both of them. Which is pretty much what happened between her and I, but with a different 3rd party. All that said, having found out that she is probably seeing this guy left me feeling nothing. No sense of betrayal or loss, no feelings at all to be honest. Even as I write this, I would normally be awash with emotion, thoughts about her and me, etc but I feel either numb or more likely I've reached the point where it no longer bothers me. Which for me is a complete and somewhat surprising breakthrough.

Oh got the job by the way, just waiting for the confirmation to come through. Start date is pencilled in for Feb 1st. Am not looking forward to it to be honest, not my ideal job but it'll bring in the money, that will undoubtedly go straight to my creditors. Have one part of my Teachers Training application form left to do, so that is my insurance against brain dead monotony. I'm hoping that teaching primary school children will keep me interested in my work and mean I don't get itchy feet after a year or two.

Apart from that I'm about to head to the gym, have finally worked up the courage to go and I'm dreading it. It'll be fine when I get there I suppose. Today will be the worst day, it'll get easier bit by bit every time I go. Reckon about 3 months and I should be back to where I was, give or take. We'll see.


laters