Funk Master Flex
Going to step away from this angry rant thing for today at least. I have a problem that I've been struggling with for a few weeks. I'm in a funk and I need to do something a little out of the ordinary to get myself out of it. Normally I would hit the gym and burn away my daily disappointments, but I have the old man's disease known as sciatica, so the gym's off the menu for 6 weeks. So the daily disappointments are building up and I need something to blow them away.
I could find the object of my desire and ask her out for a drink but I'm fairly certain she's gonna turn me down. So thats out, don't need a kicking when I'm already down.
Bear in mind that I have little or no money to play with, so this idea had better be cheap. I had a list of things to do before I was 30. I know how sad and pathetic that sounds was. But that list remains unfulfilled and I'll be 35 soon, so maybe a combination of both would be a good start.
In no particular order they were -
- skydive
- get a tattoo
- bungee jump
- bed a foreign girl
- get something piereced
You can tell they were decided upon after far to much alcohol, some are a little repetitive, but hey I'm a bloke, when we get a good idea we go with it.
Right I still fancy a tattoo, somwhere discreet, so that when I'm in my 50's it doesn't look like mess. I'm Welsh and I know you'll like this cos it makes me sound retarded, but I thought I'd have a Welsh dragon with the words 'Made in Wales' tattooed on my backside. Now before you mock there is some sense to this, apart from the reason above. Think about it, if you turn any piece of quality merchandise over you always find where its made by looking at the bottom, I know, genius.
Daft things like that make me smile for a long time. I know I'm not doing anything to enhance the reputation of the male of the species but who am I to fight against millenia of genetic selection. Tattoos, unfortunately, cost money so that one's out. Add to that skydiving, piercings and a bungee jump, we're left with bedding a foreign girl.
Now I'm not proud of that one but funnily enough the object of my obsession is not from these shores. I've been infatuated with her for 6 months, she was the first woman who caught my eye after splitting up with my deranged ex. Boy was that one ever a piece of work, another blog title there for sure. So why can't I do a simple little thing like ask her out for a drink, I think it might be the whole kicking me when I'm down thing. Tell you what if she's out this weekend I'll do the deed and get it over with.
But I'm still left with that funk and I'm still no clearer about a way to extracate myself from it. My friend did come up wth a good idea though, he's also in a funk (but his is due to the fact that he went to Rome and Florence on holiday recently, North Wales is nice but it really can't compare), he thought this weekend we could have a proper bonfire. The more I think about it the more I think he might be right and that this could be our collective salvation.
To those of you reading this from outside the UK the Brits celebrate Nov. 5th more than Halloween, we torch a huge bonfire and celebrate burning someone alive, sounds barbaric I know, there is a reason behind it though, so don't judge us too harshly. No its not the Wicker Man festival either.
So we as grown men (yeah I know grown men are in fact little boys at heart) are gonna hunt for wood, build as big a bonfire as we can, burn it down, light fireworks to celebrate how good our bonfire was while imbibing copious amount of falling down juice. Why? Because we haven't had a good Bonfire Night in ages! Who knows we might even have a bbq and have a blow out on the whole manly thing.
Sounds like a plan to me, now I just need my silver tongue to do its work on my Slovak dream girl, my football team to win, my job interview to pay off and my numbers on the EuroLotto to come up. Apparently its £88m this week, worth a flutter don't you think?
Ah, the dreams of winning that much money, wonder if I could afford to woo the disenchanted Mrs Abramovich. Should she choose to divorce her billionaire Russian oil tycoon husband Icould be in pole position to help her spend her divorce settlement. It seems £88m is just not enough for me, my old man always says you have to keep dreaming. So keep dreaming!
laters
I could find the object of my desire and ask her out for a drink but I'm fairly certain she's gonna turn me down. So thats out, don't need a kicking when I'm already down.
Bear in mind that I have little or no money to play with, so this idea had better be cheap. I had a list of things to do before I was 30. I know how sad and pathetic that sounds was. But that list remains unfulfilled and I'll be 35 soon, so maybe a combination of both would be a good start.
In no particular order they were -
- skydive
- get a tattoo
- bungee jump
- bed a foreign girl
- get something piereced
You can tell they were decided upon after far to much alcohol, some are a little repetitive, but hey I'm a bloke, when we get a good idea we go with it.
Right I still fancy a tattoo, somwhere discreet, so that when I'm in my 50's it doesn't look like mess. I'm Welsh and I know you'll like this cos it makes me sound retarded, but I thought I'd have a Welsh dragon with the words 'Made in Wales' tattooed on my backside. Now before you mock there is some sense to this, apart from the reason above. Think about it, if you turn any piece of quality merchandise over you always find where its made by looking at the bottom, I know, genius.
Daft things like that make me smile for a long time. I know I'm not doing anything to enhance the reputation of the male of the species but who am I to fight against millenia of genetic selection. Tattoos, unfortunately, cost money so that one's out. Add to that skydiving, piercings and a bungee jump, we're left with bedding a foreign girl.
Now I'm not proud of that one but funnily enough the object of my obsession is not from these shores. I've been infatuated with her for 6 months, she was the first woman who caught my eye after splitting up with my deranged ex. Boy was that one ever a piece of work, another blog title there for sure. So why can't I do a simple little thing like ask her out for a drink, I think it might be the whole kicking me when I'm down thing. Tell you what if she's out this weekend I'll do the deed and get it over with.
But I'm still left with that funk and I'm still no clearer about a way to extracate myself from it. My friend did come up wth a good idea though, he's also in a funk (but his is due to the fact that he went to Rome and Florence on holiday recently, North Wales is nice but it really can't compare), he thought this weekend we could have a proper bonfire. The more I think about it the more I think he might be right and that this could be our collective salvation.
To those of you reading this from outside the UK the Brits celebrate Nov. 5th more than Halloween, we torch a huge bonfire and celebrate burning someone alive, sounds barbaric I know, there is a reason behind it though, so don't judge us too harshly. No its not the Wicker Man festival either.
So we as grown men (yeah I know grown men are in fact little boys at heart) are gonna hunt for wood, build as big a bonfire as we can, burn it down, light fireworks to celebrate how good our bonfire was while imbibing copious amount of falling down juice. Why? Because we haven't had a good Bonfire Night in ages! Who knows we might even have a bbq and have a blow out on the whole manly thing.
Sounds like a plan to me, now I just need my silver tongue to do its work on my Slovak dream girl, my football team to win, my job interview to pay off and my numbers on the EuroLotto to come up. Apparently its £88m this week, worth a flutter don't you think?
Ah, the dreams of winning that much money, wonder if I could afford to woo the disenchanted Mrs Abramovich. Should she choose to divorce her billionaire Russian oil tycoon husband Icould be in pole position to help her spend her divorce settlement. It seems £88m is just not enough for me, my old man always says you have to keep dreaming. So keep dreaming!
laters
posted by vincentblackshadow at Thursday, November 02, 2006
4 Comments:
Ask her. What have you to lose other than your dignity and who needs that?
If she says 'no' it'll probably give you what you need to get over her. If she says 'yes', play your cards right and you could be putting a tick next to one item on your list.
Win-win situation. My favourite.
Puss
Cheers Puss, will put your plan into action this weekend, I'll let you know how it goes.
I turn 40 in a month but I still want a tat. If I got one, it would be on either my shoulder or my ankle. Those places you can cover and they age better than most.
My sister-in-law got a tiny butterfly on her stomach when she was a teenager, but now she's had 2 kids and put on 100 pounds so my husband calls it Mothra.
I think you should ask her but assume she'll say no. That way you won't be totally disappointed if she does and pleasantly surprised if she does not. I had to laugh at your #4 though. Does this foreign woman of yours have horns? Perhaps she hides her's better than some of us.
Maybe you could save up for the tattoo if it's something you really want. At one time I had 5, I am now down to 2. Make sure you really want what you get.
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