Five things you don't need to know about me

I've been tagged by Sassy to list the 5 things most people don't know about me. Sorry but I didn't know I'd been tagged, cos as a man things need to be made plain and simple for us to understand them. So it wasn't until Sass said she'd unofficially tagged me that I understood what was expected of me.

So here goes nothing -

1. I am left handed but apart from writing I use my right hand for everything else.

Does that make me some kind of traitor to the cause or something? See how I started with something easy.

2. I dispise the vast majority of humanity.

One of favourite daydream's is that a biological accident leaves my friends and I alone with the world as our playground. As the comedian, Bill Hicks once said 'humanity is virus with legs', a theory which I can wholly support.

Humanity is an accident and as such is unwanted by nature and the universe, having seen what man is capable of I kind of side with them. My friend and I have developed a simple premise - humanity as a whole, all nation, colours, religions, male or female can be divided into three separate categories - friends, wankers (this is putting it mildly think more toward the c-word) and people we haven't me yet (who are most likely destined for the second category).

3. I will note vote.

I do not like or trust a politician, not now, not ever. Yes, I understand that people have fought and died to give me the right to vote, to voice my opinions, to be heard. People are still dying to give others the chance to exercise their franchise. But before you start arguing, it also gives me the freedom to exercise my right to not vote.

Unless we return to the ancient Greek democratic process, where all people vote on all things, I just don't wanna know. By giving some crook, weasel or thief my vote, I'm removing myself from the decision making process. If I have to choose between a random fuckwit, who has been foisted upon me, to use my vote as an excuse to put forward his views or not use my vote at all, I'll choose the latter - every time.

If you think you're vote makes a difference just think back to when the position of the 'Leader of the Free World' was stolen in a Florida Courthouse. If you think your vote is important try putting it up against the power wielded by the corporate world and see just how democratic the system is then.

4. There is a philosophical idea, that I subscribe to, that everything outside your own consciousness is a figment of your imagination, created to stop you from going mad.

This means that the whole world, your friends, family and everything else you know is just your mind playing tricks on you. A simple enough premise (used that twice in a single blog, small things make me smile) you might think. But this idea was introduced to me at an early age, you know, when your mind is nothing better than a sponge for knowledge.

Now I am sure that such a small piece of knowledge warped my fresh childlike mind, cos I still believe its mostly true 25 years later. Chances are, everything is an illusion. I'm sitting writing this on my laptop, with two dogs asleep on the floor behind me, listening to the wind whip at the windows wondering what I should have for my tea and it's all my imagination playing tricks on me. It's a strange thought but I can't help it that a large part of me believes it's probably true though.

I often wonder if this is where my utter lack of ambition stems from, I have no need to be seen as wonderful employee and a valuable member of the team all I want is to punch in, punch out and hang out with people that really matter to me. If it is all a dream then the best part of it is the family and friends, the rest I consider someone else's dream.

5. Whenever I talk to my friends about random things I cannot help but chip in with my knowledge of the subject or my opinion.

This happens even if I don't have a good clue about what we're talking about. I'll try to blag my way through it. Not in an arrogant, wow look at how clever and wise I am, but more like please don't think I'm stupid so here is a little something to prove it, all the time wondering if anybody else has recognised I don't know shit. No matter how conscious I am of doing it I cannot stop myself. So if were chatting and I sound like I know something I probably don't I just blagging my way through it.


Well there you go, 5 things you didn't know about me and probably wish had stayed hidden.

Deeply hidden.


laters