News International

Due to a severe cash flow problem I will not be able to regale you with tawdry accounts of my debauched weekend shenanigans. Not that I do that very often anyway. But this weekend I have to stay in and hope watching DVDs and drinking a few tinnies will be enough to satisfy my thirst for adventure.

Will tales of me, a can of beer and The Soprano's be enough to keep you reading my blog over the weekend? I suppose I've written about duller things and you're still here. Maybe you're just waiting for me to talk about wanking again, that seems to get the most comments, I have no idea why?

Sometimes I struggle to find interesting topics to blog about, so I scan the news feeds for anything I can use. Today I came across something that constantly amuses and annoys me in equal parts - namely, reports into the blindingly obvious.

'Broadband users watch less TV, research shows' - realllly, I would never have worked that out on my own. I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that our eye's are different from those of a chameleon. Not being able to watch 2 things at one time, wonder how long it took them to work that little gem out.

Following the news feeds still further, this time time its sports. One of my favourite football players is about to join the world most hated football team. For those of you not into sports you might wanna skip this bit or just read on, it's your call. I know I am a grown man who can rationalise things, but I will now lose all respect for a man making a sound financial and career savvy move because I hate the team he's joining with a passion. In respect to sports, I am still 9 years old and that's the way I'll always be.

Entertainment, first - I've might now have a chance with one of my dream women - this is so fucking sad I can't believe I'm typing this, oh the skin crawling embarrassment, I'm only doing this to fill up the blog, right- Selma Blair is single. It is taking all my self control not to delete this entire paragraph on the grounds of honour.

Second, I can redeem myself with a piece involving Banksy. This guy is a graffiti artist whose work is awesome, his latest target is Michael Jackson and its hilarious. Please check out his work, its genius!!! If I had more money I would get my friend The Artist a copy of his book for Xmas, stuck for an interesting present for someone - get the book, well worth it. Have I made up for the Selma Blair thing yet?

Oh and another blindingly obvious bit of research, apparently women talk more than men, men can't articulate their feelings and think about sex more often. Well I never, who would have thunk it. People get paid for this crap, wonder if I can come up with a suitably plausible research topic I can get paid too. 'Research shows that people understand the blindingly obvious without the need for costly research - a 10 year, £10m research project by the BlackShadow Corporation has proved.......'

Right, I promise to return with a better blog tomorrow. To be honest it can't be any worse than this one. Topics you'd like me to tear into, answers on a postcard to the usual address.


laters