Five things you don't need to know about me

I've been tagged by Sassy to list the 5 things most people don't know about me. Sorry but I didn't know I'd been tagged, cos as a man things need to be made plain and simple for us to understand them. So it wasn't until Sass said she'd unofficially tagged me that I understood what was expected of me.

So here goes nothing -

1. I am left handed but apart from writing I use my right hand for everything else.

Does that make me some kind of traitor to the cause or something? See how I started with something easy.

2. I dispise the vast majority of humanity.

One of favourite daydream's is that a biological accident leaves my friends and I alone with the world as our playground. As the comedian, Bill Hicks once said 'humanity is virus with legs', a theory which I can wholly support.

Humanity is an accident and as such is unwanted by nature and the universe, having seen what man is capable of I kind of side with them. My friend and I have developed a simple premise - humanity as a whole, all nation, colours, religions, male or female can be divided into three separate categories - friends, wankers (this is putting it mildly think more toward the c-word) and people we haven't me yet (who are most likely destined for the second category).

3. I will note vote.

I do not like or trust a politician, not now, not ever. Yes, I understand that people have fought and died to give me the right to vote, to voice my opinions, to be heard. People are still dying to give others the chance to exercise their franchise. But before you start arguing, it also gives me the freedom to exercise my right to not vote.

Unless we return to the ancient Greek democratic process, where all people vote on all things, I just don't wanna know. By giving some crook, weasel or thief my vote, I'm removing myself from the decision making process. If I have to choose between a random fuckwit, who has been foisted upon me, to use my vote as an excuse to put forward his views or not use my vote at all, I'll choose the latter - every time.

If you think you're vote makes a difference just think back to when the position of the 'Leader of the Free World' was stolen in a Florida Courthouse. If you think your vote is important try putting it up against the power wielded by the corporate world and see just how democratic the system is then.

4. There is a philosophical idea, that I subscribe to, that everything outside your own consciousness is a figment of your imagination, created to stop you from going mad.

This means that the whole world, your friends, family and everything else you know is just your mind playing tricks on you. A simple enough premise (used that twice in a single blog, small things make me smile) you might think. But this idea was introduced to me at an early age, you know, when your mind is nothing better than a sponge for knowledge.

Now I am sure that such a small piece of knowledge warped my fresh childlike mind, cos I still believe its mostly true 25 years later. Chances are, everything is an illusion. I'm sitting writing this on my laptop, with two dogs asleep on the floor behind me, listening to the wind whip at the windows wondering what I should have for my tea and it's all my imagination playing tricks on me. It's a strange thought but I can't help it that a large part of me believes it's probably true though.

I often wonder if this is where my utter lack of ambition stems from, I have no need to be seen as wonderful employee and a valuable member of the team all I want is to punch in, punch out and hang out with people that really matter to me. If it is all a dream then the best part of it is the family and friends, the rest I consider someone else's dream.

5. Whenever I talk to my friends about random things I cannot help but chip in with my knowledge of the subject or my opinion.

This happens even if I don't have a good clue about what we're talking about. I'll try to blag my way through it. Not in an arrogant, wow look at how clever and wise I am, but more like please don't think I'm stupid so here is a little something to prove it, all the time wondering if anybody else has recognised I don't know shit. No matter how conscious I am of doing it I cannot stop myself. So if were chatting and I sound like I know something I probably don't I just blagging my way through it.


Well there you go, 5 things you didn't know about me and probably wish had stayed hidden.

Deeply hidden.


laters

HNT

Happy Half Nekkid Thursday to all!!

DIY tonight

Sorry for being lazy yesterday, I got back late from doing some Xmas shopping. So I banged out a quick little blog, I'm quite proud of it, no really. Especially the Douglas Adams one - 'He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it'. Sounds like my life at the moment. But enough already, I refuse to write anymore depressing blogs, bugger that.

I have been dragged in to help The Artist deal with some difficult floorboards. My evening will now consist of stuffing small pieces of boiled newspaper, infused with wood stain and glue, into the not so narrow gaps between his living room floor boards. Yay me! What man would turn that down. Well, me actually, but I've given him my word and I'll do it with a smile on my face.

Speaking of The Artist he's still only managed to get to draw the younger Slovak sister once. He's beginning to think it was just a dream. Still it sounds like a nice enough dream to me.

This is what I think he was trying to achieve, he's a talented guy, although he isn't Manet he's not far off.

Its also an excuse for me to show some art and some nice boobs as well.

As for the Xmas shopping, its almost done. Just one present still to be decided. That's for my housemate. We, as a house, decided last year that a few board games would be the best presents this year, as they, along with the alcohol we drink while playing them, provide hours of harmless fun over the festive period.

Struggling to find interesting things to tell you today. Oh one thing, I saw a woman I've been looking out for for the first time in a year or so yesterday. Sorry, I need to fill in the blanks a little bit for you here. As you know there are 2 dogs living in our house, this time last year they were much smaller, cuter puppies. I could take them both out for a walk together without the danger of having my shoulder dislocated if they both saw interesting things in opposite directions. They were always inquisitive, especially with other dogs. So when they came across a large long haired German Sheppard on the beach with them they took an immediate interest. Some dogs do not take kindly to that kind of attention, Monty, as I later found out he was called didn't mind it. So I spent 20-30 minutes chatting quite happily on the beach with Monty's owner, a vision of loveliness, all the time thanking whatever divinity was listening that I had a dog. Why can I remember the damn dog's name and not her's.

I've seen her once or twice since then, but only to say hello to in the street, that was until last night when I found out she works as a trainee plumber and more importantly a shelf stacker in our local supermarket. So we spent another very pleasant 15 minutes catching up last night. I will have to forgo the munchies for healthier food now when I go in. Eating healthy never had this kind of appeal before. I will also have to keep a keen eye out for a nametag next time as well.

Yesterday was quite amusing on the job front as well, got turned down flat for one and go an interview scheduled for another. Isn't that just typical. So I will be wearing a new suit to my Dec 15th interview, I will look the 'dogs bollocks' even if I don't get it. That phrase should be interesting to look up for those of you across the pond, he he.

Right, got to go, off to play with floorboards and walk the dog.


Laters

Because I'm Lazy

He felt that his whole life was some kind of dream and he sometimes wondered whose it was and whether they were enjoying it.

Douglas Adams

I look to the future because that's where I'm going to spend the rest of my life.

George Burns

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

Woody Allen

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.

Hunter S. Thompson

She had a pretty gift for quotation, which is a serviceable substitute for wit.

W. Somerset Maugham

Oh Happy Days

OK, so I've been down a little lately - I have decided that life is too fucking short to worry about things.

My money problems will be solved by working damn hard and staying in a lot, chances are for a long time.

My back will get better, I will get fit again and enjoy every moment of doing it.

When I find someone I like, this time I'll make sure they're not mentally off-balance, and that they won't take the piss and leave me skint.

I'm gonna try and find a job that keeps me interested and pays well, second to that I'll get one that pays my bills.

But most of all I cannot keep waking up feeling down and wasting my life.

Soooo, before all the piss taking starts, I'll move on to finding a cure for cancer and AIDS, become a billionaire philanthropist, sponsor the fine arts and top it all off by marrying the most beautiful woman on the planet.

So there.

I'll need a lot of luck and even more alcohol if I'm gonna succeed!


laters

A Better Tomorrow

Right let's get the game out of the way first shall we, we lost but put up a good display. They were very good, we weren't. Watched the game with some friends of mine, it was good craic. The Guinness was flowing, although it wasn't as good a pint as it could have been. Maybe the rumours that the pub in question waters down its beer are true.

Anyway, it got to half-time and my friend was bored, he's a fairweather fan, when its going well he's cheering at the top of his lungs, when its going badly he switches off. Yesterday was the latter, he was chatting to my housemates girlfriend for all of the second half. This is the housemate who's moving out in a few weeks.

Talking about the Leaving Housemate, the rumour mill has it that he's moving out because of me and the New Housemate. Found this out because his mother spoke to the New Housemate's mother and sister, telling them it was because both of us are out of work and spending money that had made up his mind to leave. Which is both wrong and upsetting.

I'll have to add in a little back story to this, a lot actually. We pay rent into a house account, that the Leaving Housemate looks after. We pay more than we should just to add a buffer if we need money for something quick. If the house needs something then we use this extra money, cos everybody benefits. Since me and the New Housemate have been out of work we re-painted the living room and bought a new 3 piece suite. The 3 piece suite happened to be my old one, is in mint condition and which I practically gave away. So yes we have spent some money, but only on stuff that benefits us all. But that doesn't give me the answer I want, why is he moving out?

When I spoke to him yesterday, and probed as to whether the rumours I'm hearing are true, he re-iterated that the reason he's moving back home is to his parent's house is to save money for a new house and he can do that better at home than in our house. Plus, he was his old self when we went out for beers yesterday. Am I wrong for worrying about this, in 2 weeks he'll be gone and someone else will move in. Do I ask him and maybe sour that time or do I just keep quiet and let it all work itself out. I mean it's not like we won't hang out together after he moves out, in fact he never comes out these days, so more money in his pocket means he'll be out more often.

Normally I'm one of those people who wants everything out in the open, but my life is in a dark place at the moment and I can do without any further shit piled on me. This guy is a very good friend of mine, but I did something I wasn't very proud of that hurt him and changed our friendship. Because of this I see everything that happens as my fault. Am I seeing these rumours as being down to me because of this negativity.

Who knows? Back to the story of last night, I got drunk too early last night, had the horn and chatted up every single or not so single woman I saw. My friends keep telling me that I can be a silver tongued devil, think that might be just as well cos I'm one ugly guy. Was fun last night though, went to bed alone and quite drunk. Woke up with a sore knuckle this morning, remembered falling over my friends foot while messing around on the way home. Took Bo out for a walk, he's been kept in for 2 days because he cut his paw the other night, he went swimming in the sea. Then made Sunday lunch with the help of a couple of friends. Not a bad day all told. But the after effects of alcohol leave me down in the dumps, maybe that's why I'm troubled about things today.

Hopefully, tomorrow will bring better things.


Laters

My Poor Liver

This is one of the best sights in all of sports, its the New Zealand All Blacks doing the Haka. You ask what is the Haka, well, its a traditional Maori challenge calling opposing warriors to battle. Its one of those moments where the hair on the back of your neck starts to stand up, the adrenalin starts to flow and you can't wait for the game to kick off.

In less than an hour the game will be under way and I'll be sitting in front of a big screen with a pint of Guinness in my hand cheering the boys in red on. Wales! Wales! Wales! will be shouted at screens across the country, in the hope of encouraging the boys to great deeds.

So I'm blogging early, cos I'll be in no fit state to do it later on. So wish Wales luck, boy are they gonna need it.

See you tomorrow,


laters

Ten Things I Will Never Do

Ten Things I Will Never Do

1. Enjoy listening to Country and Western music.
2. Let anyone take me for a fool again.
3. Believe I can dance.
4. Stop drinking Guinness, its just too good.
5. Grow my hair (if it gets to long it curls and I end up with a ginger 'fro).
6. Vote for or trust a politician.
7. Ever get tired of listening to 'Venus in Furs'.
8. Dirty Sanchez.
9. Miss any kind of opportunity for a lie-in.
10. Suffer fools gladly.

Originally posted by Puss, she didn't tag me but I felt a gentle push. So here goes, these are subject to change over time..... I am going to be mean and tag people with this one so here goes - Cherylann, Les, Sassy, Cinnamon and Donna

Beginners Half-Nekkid Thursday

Right so this is my first attempt at Half-Nekkid Thursday's, as you can see I'm starting out slow. Was gonna post a shoulder shot, but shied away from it so that I wouldn't upset My Chester Friend who doesn't like hairy shoulders. Not that I have any now, I have a Philips Bodygroomer to help create the smoothest shoulders possible. So I'm gonna build up to the shoulder shot, I want to keep her in suspense for as long as possible.

Speaking of My Chester Friend, we were on Messenger yesterday when she offered something that might help me out with my troublesome back, a virtual massage. She is a devotee of Reiki massage therapy, and wanted to see if she could improve my situation. Now, although I was a little dubious I agreed, I'd had an Indian head massage before, it helped de-stress me at the time (during the head massage when I was told I was going to have my chakra's re-aligned I asked if I needed to take my hands out of my pockets, my head is bowed in shame). So I sat straight and still at the agreed time, I was watching football (soccer) at the time (my team won by the way) and waited for the massage to take affect.

Honestly, I wish I could tell you that my sciatic nerve isn't as testy as it normally is or the sharp stabbing pain running from my lower back to the back of my calf is gone, I really wish I could, but I can't. So far anyway there's no discernible difference. But I haven't given up hope, I'm gonna ask her if she'll mind trying again. Maybe even today. Anyway, I like the idea of a virtual massage, and before you ask no happy ending was asked for or offered. My Chester Friend is a happily married woman. Stopped any smutty comments for you there Donna.

Sorry back to Half-Nekkid Thursday, the idea is you can post as much or as little of yourself as you like, clothed or naked, just for the hell of it. I'm joining it a little late but what the hell, better late than never eh?

See, there have been no reviews today as promised even though I watched Lord of War with Nicholas Cage last. Was as it good, you ask, well like I said I'm not gonna bore you with my thoughts about it. Watching Infernal Affairs 3 today followed by some Thanksgiving football. Another day well wasted I think.

**Warning - Bloke Alert** Liverpool won comfortably last night, a 2-0 win sent them through as group winners in to the last 16 of the Champions League **Bloke Alert**

Sorry about that but my football team are so poor I've never wanted to speak about them before. More sports news - kick-off in the rugby is 4.45 Saturday afternoon, gonna skip Friday night out, which is always Gay Night anyway, and have an all-dayer Saturday. You have no idea how much I'm looking forward to it, should be good, with a bit of luck anyway.

Roll on Saturday, that's all I can say really.


Laters

Beware, Reviews Ahead!!

Well one problem has been solved in my life, I don't have to move out of my house at the end of this month. We have a new housemate signed up. So when my mate leaves, the new guy should be able to move right in. A weight off my mind and no mistake.

The only worry is that our new housemate, Macca, is a complete unknown. He's a friend of a friend, and while he seems an alright bloke you never know. Could we have asked an axe wielding serial killer to join our happy household. With my luck I'll be subjected to Playstation 2 and Bon Jovi aficionado, like my other housemate. God help me if that happens, I might have to retire to my room for good.

Yesterday was a good day, watched Infernal Affairs II among other things, and it was one of the few sequels that stood up to the first film. Fairly complex story of Hong Kong police and The Triads, but the direction and cinematography are top class. Scorsese's re-made it for Hollywood as The Departed, with Nicholson, DiCaprio and Matt Damon. But it'll be ages before my part of North Wales gets to see it, chances are it'll be out on DVD before then anyway.

Enough of my retarded film reviews, gonna watch Infernal Affairs 3 tonight, but I won't bore you with a review of that tomorrow. Did listen to the new Incubus album yesterday - Light Grenades is pretty cool, sounds like a grower though, we'll see.

Right, enough!

So covered the new housemate, what I did yesterday thing, hmmm what else?

God, my life is dull, I'm actually sitting hear trying to think about something interesting so I can blog about it, wait a minute................... no still nothing. Read Glamourpuss's blog the other day and she mentioned doing new and different things so that she had something interesting to blog about, I may have to follow her lead in this, although being a 200lb hairy Welshman taking up pole dancing might be a bit of a stretch.

I keep meaning to sit down and write a very honest list of the thing I want to do and accomplish in my life. I'll be 35 soon and I'm still not taking life seriously yet. A few post's back I told you of the list of things I wanted to accomplish before I was 30, and more importantly that I'd failed to cross even one of them off my list. Sad, I know, both the list and the fact I hadn't done any of them. So I'm thinking that I might take Puss's idea, my list (with a few more interesting and honest things added to it) and start getting things done.

I'm in a rut at the moment and I can't keep drifting through life, need a job, some money then I can start enjoying myself.

Did I mention I'm starting to fantasise about being able to get back in the gym. The Doc told me to forget about it, he said no gym til after the New Year. I knew I was missing it but to actually dream of going somewhere that is painful and fucking hard work, I think I might have reached the tipping point between sanity and madness. Or is it the other way around?


Why am I tempted to sign up for Half-Nekkid Thursday tomorrow, I do not have the body to show any part of it off on the Internet, but the idea still amuses me. Who knows you may have to burn out your eyes after reading my blog tomorrow.

Who knows what tomorrow holds.


Laters

Do not disturb

Yes, OK, it seems I need to get laid, can we leave it at that. It does seem, however, that the discovery of that article did raise some laughs, so I can suffer the ridicule of my peers if this information saves someone from suffering a heart attack.

Do you ever have one of those days when you just don't want to talk to anyone, not a soul, just spend the whole day by yourself. I am having one of those days. I'm not down in the dumps or anything, well I don't think I am, I just want my space. Maybe, every so often my personal space explodes outwards, giving me days like today, then the blast settles back to where it was again.

Come to think of it I have a real problem with people who invade my personal space, maybe its just grown. My friend, The Artist, has no concept of this and is forever standing too damn close to people. He has been known to back people against walls simply by encroaching on their personal space. They back up, he follows. My solution is to just tell him, then when he does it again gently move him back, he gets the idea then.

Today, I just wanna be on my own, is there anything wrong with that? I'm happy pottering, filling up my iPod, watching telly, eating things that are bad for me. Don't feel like making idle smalltalk with my housemates. My dog will get his walk shortly, I might even take him to the beach so he can go swimming, that will be it, I will stay in my room for the rest of the day. This happens every so often, I just like to leave the world to its own devices for a while and chill out. There are 3 films on my HDR waiting to be watched - Infernal Affairs 2 and 3, and Lord of War with Nicholas Cage and I've just downloaded the new Incubus album - Light Grenades, so all is well with me.

Right I'm off to take Bo out for his walk, he's making it known he want to go - NOW.


Laters

p.s. - comments are fine, I'm always happy to talk to you guys

Be Warned

Stolen from Dirk, again, and yes, the colours came with it.

Some of my answers are a bit saucy, they started out normal, but I must have the horn (I'm horny - US translation), so in case you are under 18 or easily offended you have been duly warned.

A is for... Arse, is there a better, more wonderful part of a woman's anatomy.
B is for... Baths, these should only be used when shared with someone else.
C is for... Cunnulingus, hours of fun.
D is for... DVDs, I like porn on VHS better.
E is for... Ears, and necks are the best places to nibble on.
F is for... Flirting. is there anything more fun.
G is for... Guinness, a good pint almost as good as sex, almost.
H is for... Horn, I think I've got it today.
I is for... Internet, I spend way too much time looking at naked women.
J is for... Juggs, nice but not as nice as bums (struggled with the letter J).
K is for...Kisses, should be long, lingering and always passionate.
L is for... Legs, nice but not as nice as bums
M is for... Mmmmmm, enough said.
N is for... Nude, lingerie is good but naked is soooo much better.
O is for... Orgasms, are like Xmas, tis better to give than to receive.
P is for... Porn, I have no shame in saying I LOVE PORN!!
Q is for... Quiet, my mate's girlfriend is a screamer.
R is for... Recovery time, this is my best trick, have never needed this not when I was 19 and not now.
S is for... Squirter, my last girlfriend was one of these.
T is for... Tied up (her not me), handcuffs, blindfold, need I say more.
U is for... Underwear, I love women in those bum hugging French-knickers.
V is for... Vibrators, how to make a man feel small, when you unveil the big one.
W is for... Wanking, think I talk too much about this one.
X is for... X-girlfriend, who I can't help but miss even though she treated me like shit.
Y is for... Your eyes, they're what get me about a woman every time.
Z is for... Zzzzzz - what you're doing now.

While I was messing about coming up with the answers to this meme I came across an awesome bit of trivia. You see I wasn't quite sure how to spell cunnulingus (was it cunnilingus or cunnulingus) so I checked, which led me to this. Finally some thing I like eating that is good for me.

It's Sunday, roll on Saturday

Oh, what to blog about today? I'm at a loss really, nothing much has happened this weekend. Got a cold, getting over it, dull. Messed about with my laptop some more, duller. Went our for beers last night, gaysville, depressingly dull. My little pocket of the North Wales peninsula must have the lowest percentage of single women in the Northern Hemisphere, seriously. It is depressing. But we shall over come. Make your own smutty line out of the last sentence.

So nothing much to blog about, thank you all for confirming my fears that my wanking is too loud. My thought is, if I wank often enough, and long enough, the sound will just become background noise and nobody will actually notice it.

I'm warning you in advance, next weekend could be slow on the blogging front. Next Saturday involves Wales playing New Zealand at rugby. For those of you in the know, this is going to be a great match, for all the others out there I will explain why.

Stay with me ladies, this is a sport involving large, well toned, muscular men in little shorts playing a game that involves, from my point of view anyway, lots of gratuitous arse shots from the cameras. For our American audience imagine football but without all that gay padding or helmets and with far more violence.

Right, after getting very close to homo-eroticism there, I can continue with the explanation. Wales play some of the best and most attractive rugby in the world (I must add, we don't do this very often, but when we do its magical), this weekend they play the best team in the world at home in front of 80,000 screaming fans.

New Zealand are the best team in the world because rugby is not just their national sport, it's their religion. They're touring the Northern Hemisphere and have thumped, literally and figuratively, all the European national teams, we're next in the firing line. So if we can beat the All Black's (they got this name because they play in all black, geddit), being Welsh will be more special than normal.

The next best thing about Wales playing rugby is that it's an excuse to go out drinking with all my friends for the whole day. I will be living on bread and water this week in order to afford to do it mind. Guinness is not cheap, but it'll will all be worth it. My liver will hate me, but as the t-shirt says, it's evil and deserves to be punshed.

So I'm warning you early, this time next week I'll be complaining about a hangover.


laters

The Dukes of Hazzard

Sorry, a little behind schedule, I know.

I missed blogging yesterday for 2 good reasons
1) I was fucking ill (properly this time)
2) I had to re-install Windows again.

So, this will be quick, cos apart from the above I have nothing else to report and I feel guilty, somehow, if I get to read other people's blogs then they should be able to read mine as well. Quid Pro Quo, right.

I am far better today, yesterday I just felt like 7 kinds of shit. Should have stayed in bed but instead I chose to re-install all the software I had just taken days installing and see if I could do it faster this time. Like teenage boys, stopwatches and wanking (Bet you never knew that about the male half of the population did you ladies).

It was done, if I'm honest, because I was too clever for my own good. When my laptop died on its arse I just restored all the data I'd so cleverly backed up. My thought process was as follows - my Windows XP will be valid again and all that cool stuff I've picked up along the way will just slide into place. Let me tell you that I was in fact indulging in what I think is technically called - wishful thinking. Apart from sorting out the XP problem every other fucking problem was still there. So I re-installed it one more time, for luck, and took only those things that are important (about 3 files) and started again.

So still have to fill up my iPod with 20GB of tunes, but this time I can get rid of the dross that I used to fast forward past last time. This time there might not be 20GB, there will be seriously good tunes however.

Oh, almost forgot, my housemate told us he's decided to move back in to his parents house to save money. This is the second housemate to move out in less than 6 months, I must be doing something seriously wrong. Are my suspicions true, can they actually hear me wanking all the time? Would explain a lot I suppose. So we have to find a new housemate and change the accounts over again. Pain in the arse or what. I'll miss this guy cos he happen to be one of my best friends. But I may miss his dog even more.

Let me refresh your memories, I have a 16 month old black lab puppy, (yes, he's still a puppy and will be til he's 2) my friend owns his brother. So Bo (my dog) and Luke have never been separated since they were born. In about 2 weeks they will be. Not only that, Luke will not be staying with my friend cos his parent's house is too small. He, rightly, wants Luke to go to a good loving home, preferably one with children and a garden for him to run around in (the dog not my friend). Not only will our house lose a sweet natured, cool dog, it's likely we'll lose him for good.

If you've never had a dog, and this is my first, it difficult to explain why you'd miss one. Think it might be the unconditional love thing, yeah, that's it. So I'm a bit gutted, cos Luke spends a lot of time with me now I'm not working. I'll miss his dog, but not as much as his brother will, and I'll understand why - not sure Bo will.

Right enough of this soppy shit about a dog that's not even mine. I know a lot of people are going through some really hard times (I know cos I read your blog's) and a story about missing a dog doesn't rank up there with life priorities, but my blog is about my life and my experiences and to me the fact that Luke is going is gutting. I may have a black heart, but I can be a proper soppy wanker at times.

Enough.

I'm off for a pint and before you ask I went out last night as well despite feeling like 6lbs of shit in a 5lb bucket. It takes a lot to keep me from my drink. Not nearly enough to keep me in tonight either.


Barman a pint of the black stuff, please!!!

Flu Epidemic Warning

I'm under the weather today, no, before you ask I don't have man-flu and yes I am allowed to wallow in my illness.

I am also allowed to eat crap, watch reality TV and makeover shows all fucking day without remorse (Biker Build Off doesn't start til 6 anyway). I have a head full of cold, feel crappy and if I'm gonna be ill I'm gonna enjoy it.

Its ok folks, I don't need looking after, never have. The only thing I need is an occasional cup of tea and maybe a blowjob when I'm feeling a little better. Other than that I'm cool.

Right, I'm off for some tea.


laters

Winter deals

Been to the Doc's today, he says no gym til after the New Year! I am not happy.

You'd think my body doesn't like being tortured on a daily basis. If you ask me, it's let me down on purpose. Can't blame it though, it has more than a few dents and is starting to show signs of wear and tear. Wonder if I could get a trade-in, newer model - better looks, smarter handling and no niggling little issues.

Would like to keep the mind though, that's just starting to show some signs of intelligence. It's beginning to understand what's important and what isn't. It can tell the difference between doing something cos you want to rather than doing things cos its expected of you. It knows what it likes, what's good for it and what definitely isn't. It can choose something bad for it tonight knowing the price it'll pay tomorrow is worth it. It knows how to spot a wanker at 50ft. When to stay and fight and when to walk away. In fact, it knows lots of cool little things.

I'm beginning to realise that having experience on your side is way better than you'd think. Take foreplay as a prime example; when I was younger I didn't take my time or learn anything other than the basics. Now I know better, much better. I know how to take my time, where to kiss and caress, when to be tender, when to be firm. Oh, experience means I know lots of fun stuff I never knew before. That's just the tip of the iceberg, so to speak.

The thought of having to learn and experience all the good and bad things in life once more is just not appealing. But my body at 19 and my mind now, that I wouldn't mind at all.


laters

Filler

Stolen from the Naked Nerd

Only in the Movies

1. It is always possible to find a parking spot directly outside or opposite the building you are visiting.

2. When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a note. Just grab one out at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.

3. Television news bulletins usually contain a story that affects you personally at the precise moment it's aired.

4. Creepy music (or satanic chanting) coming from a graveyard should always be closely investigated.

5. Any lock can be picked with a credit card or paperclip in seconds. UNLESS it's the door to a burning building with a child inside.

6. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you bump into will know all the steps.

7. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red digital displays so you know exactly when they are going to explode.

8. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to learn to speak German. Simply speaking English with a German accent will do. Similarly, when they are alone, all German soldiers prefer to speak English to each other.

9. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off. Even while scuba diving.

10. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window of any building in Paris.

11. Any police officer about to retire from the force will more often than not die on their last day (especially if their family have planned a party). (Caveat: Detectives can only solve a case after they have been suspended from duty).

12. Getaway cars never start first go. But all cop cars do. (They will also slide to a dramatic stop in the midst of a crime scene).

13. If staying in a haunted house, women should investigate any strange noises wearing their most revealing underwear.

14. On a police stake-out, the action will only ever take place when food is being consumed and scalding hot coffees are perched precariously on the dashboard…

15. All grocery shopping involves the purchase of French loaves which will be placed in open brown paper bags (Caveat: when said bags break, only fruit will spill out).

16. Cars never need fuel (unless they're involved in a pursuit).

17. If you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts, your opponents will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around you in a threatening manner until you have defeated their predecessor.

18. If a microphone is turned on it will immediately feedback.

19. Guns are like disposable razors. If you run out of bullets, just throw the gun away. you will always find another one.

20. All single women have a cat.

21. Cars will explode instantly when struck by a single bullet.

22. No matter how savagely a spaceship is attacked, its internal gravity system is never damaged.

23. If being chased through a city you can usually take cover in a passing St Patrick's Day parade - at any time of the year.

24. The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. Nobody will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building undetected.

25. You will survive any battle in any war UNLESS you show someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

26. Prostitutes always look like Julia Roberts or Jamie Lee Curtis. They have expensive clothes and nice apartments but no pimps. They are friendly with the shopkeepers in their neighbourhood who don't mind at all what the girl does for a living.

27. A single match is usually sufficient to light up a room the size of a football stadium.

28. It is not necessary to say "Hello" or "Goodbye" when beginning a telephone conversation. A disconnected call can always be restored by frantically beating the cradle and saying "Hello? Hello?" repeatedly.

29. One man shooting at 20 men has a better chance of killing them all than 20 men firing at once (this is known as Stallone's Law).

30. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in you room will still be visible, just slightly bluish.

31. Plain or even ugly girls can become movie star pretty simply by removing their glasses and rearranging their hair.

32. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their enemies with complicated devices incorporating fuses, pulleys, deadly gases, lasers and man-eating sharks.

33. All beds have special L-shaped sheets that reach to armpit level on a woman but only up to the waist of the man lying beside her.

34. Anyone can land a 747 as long as there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

35. During all police investigations it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

36. You can always find a chainsaw when you need one.

37. Most musical instruments (especially wind instruments and accordions) can be played without moving your fingers.

38. In Middle America, all gas station attendants have red handkerchiefs hanging out of their back pockets.

39. All teen house parties have one of every stereotypical subculture present (even people who aren't liked and would never get invited to parties).

40. Trucks use their horns at random (no hang on, that happens in real life too!).

8.34am

Quite simply, I RULE!!!!

Early riser

Ok, so today was better than yesterday, I promised it would be and I delivered. Got up earlier than 10.47am, not actually going to admit by how much but it was enough. I love my bed. The hardest thing for me each day is to get up. I think it must have something to do with the womblike warmth it has when I wake up.

Even when I was a little kid I'd while away my Saturday mornings sleeping as late as possible. My old man has an irrational hatred of this pleasure. I still have no idea why he hated me enjoying something as simple as a lie in. He's as lazy as me in all respects apart from the sleeping bit but he still gets up at 8.15am even now - and he's been retired for more than 10 years.

Might have something to do with the fact he's not a night owl and I am. It's strange but I can stay awake well beyond any of my friends and cohorts. They usually start flagging around 2.30 to 3am, me I'm still going strong. Age is catching up with me though, when it hits 4.30am or beyond that's me done. Gone are the days of watching the sun rire.

Saying that though, there is very little to beat watching the dawn blaze across a new born sky with your mates, except maybe with the addition of a nice cuppa and some hot buttered toast.

So I again fiddled with the laptop all day. Well that's not strictly true, the laptop was used to fiddle with my iPod. Told you yesterday I'd lost 20GB of tunes, found out today iTunes now only allows you to put your music on 1 song at a time. Spend a moment in quiet contemplation of the task that now sits in front of me - 20GB was about 6,000 chuffing songs. Now I have to put them back one by one. Fuck me sideways.

What I forgot to mention though, and this is causing further arseache, is that I've lost my hotmail account. Well not lost it but I can't remember the password to login. It was set up more than 4 years ago, so when I'm asked for the password I have no clue. None. Losing my email account is my punishment for being a fucktard, I realise this now.

Some of you may have realised just how lazy I am, to steal someone else's line, procrastination is something I can't put off 'til tomorrow. By losing my email I've also lost all those messages telling me what jobs are suitable for a man of my many talents. So I now have to register once more with Monster, Jobsite, Fish4Jobs etc; go through the tedium of filling out online forms, just to get daily emails telling me that no-one in my area wants a guy with an MBA and years of management experience. Oh the joy that awaits me.

I keep toying with the idea of going back and doing the only job I've ever really enjoyed - being a barman. The long term plan is to go back to school and learn to be a teacher, 7-11 year olds I think. Not sure being a barman is gonna help me get to Uni any time soon, there being little or no money in it, but it is fun though. I'd almost go back just for the craic alone. Never had as much fun as I did then, but I don't suppose it'll be the same this time around.

Unless, that is, I get another willing volunteer for bar top gymnastics. I have to admit to a bar's counter top as being the most unusual place I've made sweet, sweet love. Beats the boss's desk anyway.


laters

Sorry for the delay

Normal service has resumed - well, hopefully.

My laptop finally gave up the ghost and died on its arse the other day. Forgot how long it takes to re-install Windows and all that other crap that goes with it. Three days of arseache to get my fuck-knuckle machine back in to some order. To top it all, its wiped my damn iPod of more than 20GB of tunes. Fuck sakes. Thought technology was meant to help.

Not a good weekend all told.

My football (soccer) team got blown out, my dream girl introduced me to her ex-boyfriend then canoodled in a corner with him and I didn't get the job I was after. But hey, everything's cool. Another game next week, more jobs to apply for and there are more women out there.

Decided to get my life in order, starting today. I was gonna get up, look for jobs, walk the dog, sort out the PC and then relax. I heard my stereo go off at 7.30, alarm number 1 go off at 7.45 and alarm 2 go off 5 mins later. Cool up by 8ish. Woke up at 10.47. I am a fuckin retard, I cannot even get myself up and dressed at the moment.

Tomorrow will be different, I promise.

Wasting time

This is a meme thats on a lot of blogs (yes, I know I have too much time on my hands) and it truly blows.

Like I said I've seen about half a dozen of these, and I haven't finished any one of them. I get to number 6 and start to waiver by number 9 I have to skip straight to number 59 and then finish it. Seriously, people answer this honestly, and we wonder why the world is a fucked up place.

1] What is your middle name? Sue

2] What color is your mailbox? Is that a sexual question, is this a gay quiz, if it is apparently I'm a bear or something?

3] Are you available? Are you asking.

4] Have you ever hit a deer? No, one punch and he knocked me the fuck out.

5] Do you have to drive over a bridge to get home? No, I jump it Dukes of Hazzard style!

6] Do you get the paper delivered to your house in the morning? Nah just a paperboy

7] Who checks the mail in your house? The postman hopefully

8] Do you have a small driveway? A gentleman never tells.

9] Do you know anyone with the same ringtone as you? Its the Nokia tone so I don't think so

10] What do you do first in the morning? Pleasure myself.

11] What brand is your printer? See these questions suck, skip to the end save yourself now

12] Do you enjoy fighting with people? Just the elderly, when they go down they stay down.

13] Is your hair naturally straight or curly? Collars or cuffs?

14] Who was your kindergarten teacher? Arnold Schwarzennegger

15] Are you taller than your mother? Are you saying my mothers short or something

16] Do you have a favorite word? Antidisestablishmentarianism or fucktard

17] Are you God? No, but I'm affiliated to his friend Satan though

18] What do you do to get over a broken heart? Alcohol and porn.

19] Do you have a deep dark secret? I think I'm funny - I'm not (You can tell right)

20] Do you enjoy writing in colored pens? Only when I'm writing the ransom note

21] Does anything hurt on your body right now? Will you rub it better if I tell you it does

22] Do you often cry during a movie? No, I can't see the film properly if I do.

23] Do you hate your life? Just the person's who's come up with these questions.

24] Do you get mad easily? Only if I find the person from the pervious answer.

25] What is your biggest pet peeve? Have no pet peeve's just a pet labrador

26] What is your away message? Leave the money in a bag by the side of the road then drive away, don't look back, we'll be watching!

27] Do any of your friends have kids? I've told them to give them back but they won't

28] Who should pay on the first date? The guy, might as well get used to it from the start (I'm going to hell for that one - I'm hoping you'll have given up before you reach this one)

29] How many years older than you are you willing to date? Depends on how much money they have

30] Do you have any friends? Depends on how much money I have

31] Do you have any mean friends? What, like an average of all of them

32] What is the ugliest color in your opinion? Vomit

33] Have you ever liked someone who all your friends couldn’t stand? Yo momma

34] Have you ever felt like driving off a cliff? Cliff deserved everything he got

35] Do you itch your ears? Not on purpose, but I tend to scratch them if they itch, if that's what you mean you question setting moron, what a fuck knuckle this person is, jesus

36] What brand are the pant/jeans youre wearing right now? I'm naked

37] How tall are you? What erect or limp?

38] What is the closest green object? Fungus

39] What is on your feet? Skin, like everyone else's

40] Do you like watermelon? But only as a friend

41] Do you want to have kids? Yeah, ok, but you'll take them back when I'm bored right

42] What is the brightest color youre wearing? Do I answer pink or purple, you remember the naked bit right

43] Who is the friend you have that you would never have expected to have gotten to know? Jenna Jameson, we're getting married you know

44] Whats your mothers middle name? Laqisha

45] Stupidest movie you ever saw? Titanic - I laughed from beginning to end

46] Do you like your dad? No, yours is better

47] Do you have any TV shows on DVD? Does Rug Munchers 1-50 count if I just watch them on my TV

48] Are you wearing makeup? No, I really am this ugly

49]Do you have a tattoo? No, but I have someone else's

50] Do you know how to draw? My golf swing is more of a hook

51] Who is your hero? Anyone who'se watched all the Rug Munchers films, Ive only seen the best part of 40 of them

52] Who did you last IM? Dubya, but he's was busy

53] Do you work a lot of hours? I try not to work any

54] What do you do when you are stressed out? I pleasure myself

55] Who was the last person to call you? The hostage negotiators

56] Is there anything you regret? They stopped Rug Munchers at 50

57] Do you know where your family name originated from? If I tell you my name you'll curse me won't you

58] Is there an animal that creeps you out? Evertonians

59] What was the last thing you did for fun? Pleasure myself (repeatedly)

60] Last time you cried? When I realised they stopped Rug Munchers at 50, and had to switch to Clam Lappers instead

I'm sorry, that's all I can say.

p.s - if you were offended by any of the above answers - GOOD.
p.p.s - Now go away and read a momy blog instead.

Struggling

I am struggling to come up with something interesting and witty to write about today. Having only just started this blogging lark I thought it was going to be easy to come up with a few lines that would at least make me smile. I can't keep throwing meme's out instead of actually sitting down and writing something half decent, good meme's are few and far between.

Admittedly I stole yesterday's meme off someone, and I have been shown up for the scoundrel I am. Mr Mancuso, may I call you Dirk, has kindly used my comment board to inform me that he may use that meme on his blog, what a gentleman. So I'm feeling like a cad for not being as gracious when I picked up the idea in the firstplace. Whoever's blog I read and pinched the idea from I apologise and Dirk, help yourself. I have to admit I may use your 101 things you didn't know about me in return. Never waste a good idea.

I could tell you that my iPod is having another good day, some of todays highlights have been

All Sparks - Editors
Sick sad little world - Incubus
Public pervert - Interpol
Miner at the dial-a-view - Grandaddy
See you - Foo Fighters
Bodyrock - Moby
I can't look at your skin - Graham Coxon
Spasticus Autisticus - Ian Dury & the Blockheads
Californie - Air
These arms of mine - Otis Redding
Taste you - Auf der Maur
Weather storm - Massive Attack
The flowers of courage - Kill Bill vol1 OST
Rouge - Miles Davis
Funeral Pyre - The Jam
Yr City's a sucker - LCD Soundsystem

I seem to be struggling to get other things done as well. My Windows software is currently showing an error, namely, its a counterfiet. Its not, but for some reason the product code has changed since I last re-installed Windows. I can't really argue with Microsoft cos there are other pieces of software that I know are dubious to say the least on my PC, so karma is working its magic on me. As you know re-installing Windows is easy, but re-installing all those things that you've picked up along the way isn't so easy. Worst of all it takes fuckin hours. Time I have an abundance of but I know when I end up doing this I'll lose something that I need or use constantly. So I'm apprehensive to start the process.

Other than that I have a hard disk recorder full of things I have to watch, but I never seem to have the where with all to watch it. As I have previously admitted I have all the first 5 season of The Sopranos on DVD (as well as all 4 seasons of Starky & Hutch). I've managed to watch about 2 seasons so far and season 6 is clogging up my HDR. Add to that Infernal Affair 2 and 3 and a box set of Rome (the HBO series) that a friend lent me. I think I might be screwed. Apart from gritting my teeth for about a week solid in front of the TV I have no idea.

I am howere going to be a good boy today and go to bed early, my nocturanl routine currently revolves around hitting the hay anywhere between 2.30am and 4am. So I miss the mornings completely, so does my dog, which is making me more and more guilty. Because he is a good dog and deserves better.

Not bad for a blog that had nothing to go in it, it is however,, a complete pile of steaming crap but it filled up another blog. Excellent its Friday tomorrow, I can go out for a pint. Ah sweet, sweet alcohol, my old friend.


laters

It cheered me up so there!

Feeling far better today, so I'm going to do something more fun. Saw this meme (its gotta be meem right, I know it not me me) on someone else's blog, can't remember which but it goes something like this.

Go to wikipedia, type in the date and month of your birth, but not the year, then find -

3 events
2 people who's birthday you share
1 person who died that day
and
1 holiday.

Sounds lame, probably is, but it raised my spirits. Try it or don't - your choice.

Mine are as follows

Events -

399 BC - The philosopher Socrates sentenced to death.
1852 - Great Ormond St Hospital for Sick Children, London, admits its first patient.
1906 - The British Labour Party organized.

Births -

1564 - Galileo Galilei, Italian astronomer and physicist (d. 1642)
1954 - Matt Groening, American cartoonist

Deaths -

1965 - Nat King Cole, American singer and musician (b. 1919)

Holiday -

Flag Day in Canada (A new red-and-white maple leaf design is adopted as the flag of Canada, replacing the old Canadian Red Ensign banner on 15th Feb 1965.)

I know, I know its pretty lame but it cheered me up. So na na nana na to you if you don't like it. My iPod is now playing All Sparks by Editors, if that doesn't cheer you up what does.

Back with more from my tortured black soul soon when normal service will be resumend, that is all...


laters

Soul food

I read Puss's blog and it reminded me of some things I'd rather avoid. Maybe its just a 24 hour thing or a delayed reaction to Sunday, but I feel pretty shitty today.

For those of you who don't know, and that includes the vast majority, I'm an unemployed, single guy, live in a backwoods town and apply for jobs that bore me and may well leave me with psychopathic or sociopathic tendencies.

Throw in a failed and frankly bad relationship, which through my own poor choices cost me my business, one of my best friends and racked up a mountain of debt.

Now I don't like to whine, I may rant and rave at the inequities of life, but I don't let these things grind me down. Plenty of peoples lives suck more than mine and self pity is very unappealing.

But I think I know what my problem is. It came to me when I was commenting on Puss's blog.

I MISS NOT BEING ABLE TO TRAIN IN THE GYM.

I'm not really narcissistic, well no more than anyone else anyway. But I miss what training gives me, the chance to clear my head of the daily grind.

What I've realised is that the gym is a place of peace and meditation for me. When I train, I think only of training. When I finish I've shed the worries of the day. It like a coccon. Safe.

When I injured my back I lost my bearings. My days have become long and boring. I feel adrift and my worries start to eat away at me. This is my problem, the cause of my funk.

The solution is not to shake myself out of it with something extraordinary but return to the ordinary and all it gives me. I need to heal my back so I can train my body and clear my mind.

Simple things please simple minds.

laters

The Joy of Blogging

I've spent the morning checking out blogs under the auspices of finding a few more to go in my blogroll. Some of the them have gone in to hibernation, so I need new but equally interesting stuff to fill the gaps. I'm quite suprised, and a little pleased, that some of the people behind the blogs that I read and like take the time to read mine. No, I'm not looking for an ego stroke, I'm just amazed at the talent of some of the people out there. Well in comparison to mine anyway. Did get lost in the sexblog bit for a while but I'm back now. A boy's gotta have some fun, even if it is reading about someone else's.

Oh yeah I'd like to point out that although things didn't go quite the way I was hoping with my Slovak friend, I will not be found from now on hiding in the bushes outside her house at every opportunity. I think I just might be able to stay on her good side without straying into 'restraining order' territory. When I used the phrase 'object of my obsession' I might have been over-playing my hand slightly. See that'll teach me to use phrases that sound cool only in my head.

I've just realised I have no idea where this blog is going, must remember not to write straight after waking up, it makes this way too incoherent. Never mind. Hmmm, racking my brains to remember if I did anything interesting this weekend. Lets see, went out Friday and got drunk, it was very quiet again but we were still up til 3am. Saturday afternoon was spent with friends as was Saturday night, which involved alcohol, Eastern European women and again talking and drinking til the early hours. Yesterday covered the now infamous walk and last night I watched far too much sport on TV to be healthy. God my life is dull, oh how I fuckin' wish I could hit the gym but no luck there for at least another month. I seemed to have developed an unholy interest in US football due to a fantasy football website here in the UK. I was doing OK til this weekend when I heaped far to many players from one team into my fantasy one. They promptly lost their unbeaten status and I lost my lofty position of 114 out of 14,000 players, don't suppose I'll be reaching those heights any time soon. Yes folks, that is the final nail in the coffin, I am a geek, like all blokes are in some way or other.

I need to take my dog out for a walk cos he doesn't get enough time out of the house as he should have. Will head over to my friend The Artsits house, we can walk our dogs together. The lucky beggar has got his first live model in ages. She happens to be the sister of my Slovak muse. Not only that she's drop dead gorgeous, so The Artist will have a smile on his face the whole time. Before you ask I'm not in any way jealous, his is a purely professional arrangement - the lucky, lucky bastard!!!!

laters

Ah well

Spent a very pleasant time walking and talking on a sunny Sunday afternoon with a very pretty East European beauty and a very silly black lab pup. Well, I finally got what I wanted which was time alone with the object of my affections. The down side is that it didn't go quite the way I'd hoped. What I really wanted was the green light to take things on, got an amber one instead.

We talked about this and that but we ended up going over past relationships, both good and bad, and it was clear that she's not over her ex just quite yet. Did make a move & kind of invited her out for a meal but she gently and sweetly brushed me off.

But she mentioned that her last relationship had grown out of a friendship, so it looks like I might be trying a long term project. If it happens great, if someone comes along in the mean time then cool, if its meant to happen it will.

No worries, just gotta keep tryin eh.

laters

Wish me luck

I'm about to head out to walk my dog with the object of my obsession, and best of all it was her idea. Will let you know how it went later. Knowing me I will manage to mess it up somehow.

laters

Funk Master Flex

Going to step away from this angry rant thing for today at least. I have a problem that I've been struggling with for a few weeks. I'm in a funk and I need to do something a little out of the ordinary to get myself out of it. Normally I would hit the gym and burn away my daily disappointments, but I have the old man's disease known as sciatica, so the gym's off the menu for 6 weeks. So the daily disappointments are building up and I need something to blow them away.

I could find the object of my desire and ask her out for a drink but I'm fairly certain she's gonna turn me down. So thats out, don't need a kicking when I'm already down.

Bear in mind that I have little or no money to play with, so this idea had better be cheap. I had a list of things to do before I was 30. I know how sad and pathetic that sounds was. But that list remains unfulfilled and I'll be 35 soon, so maybe a combination of both would be a good start.

In no particular order they were -

- skydive
- get a tattoo
- bungee jump
- bed a foreign girl
- get something piereced

You can tell they were decided upon after far to much alcohol, some are a little repetitive, but hey I'm a bloke, when we get a good idea we go with it.

Right I still fancy a tattoo, somwhere discreet, so that when I'm in my 50's it doesn't look like mess. I'm Welsh and I know you'll like this cos it makes me sound retarded, but I thought I'd have a Welsh dragon with the words 'Made in Wales' tattooed on my backside. Now before you mock there is some sense to this, apart from the reason above. Think about it, if you turn any piece of quality merchandise over you always find where its made by looking at the bottom, I know, genius.

Daft things like that make me smile for a long time. I know I'm not doing anything to enhance the reputation of the male of the species but who am I to fight against millenia of genetic selection. Tattoos, unfortunately, cost money so that one's out. Add to that skydiving, piercings and a bungee jump, we're left with bedding a foreign girl.

Now I'm not proud of that one but funnily enough the object of my obsession is not from these shores. I've been infatuated with her for 6 months, she was the first woman who caught my eye after splitting up with my deranged ex. Boy was that one ever a piece of work, another blog title there for sure. So why can't I do a simple little thing like ask her out for a drink, I think it might be the whole kicking me when I'm down thing. Tell you what if she's out this weekend I'll do the deed and get it over with.

But I'm still left with that funk and I'm still no clearer about a way to extracate myself from it. My friend did come up wth a good idea though, he's also in a funk (but his is due to the fact that he went to Rome and Florence on holiday recently, North Wales is nice but it really can't compare), he thought this weekend we could have a proper bonfire. The more I think about it the more I think he might be right and that this could be our collective salvation.

To those of you reading this from outside the UK the Brits celebrate Nov. 5th more than Halloween, we torch a huge bonfire and celebrate burning someone alive, sounds barbaric I know, there is a reason behind it though, so don't judge us too harshly. No its not the Wicker Man festival either.

So we as grown men (yeah I know grown men are in fact little boys at heart) are gonna hunt for wood, build as big a bonfire as we can, burn it down, light fireworks to celebrate how good our bonfire was while imbibing copious amount of falling down juice. Why? Because we haven't had a good Bonfire Night in ages! Who knows we might even have a bbq and have a blow out on the whole manly thing.

Sounds like a plan to me, now I just need my silver tongue to do its work on my Slovak dream girl, my football team to win, my job interview to pay off and my numbers on the EuroLotto to come up. Apparently its £88m this week, worth a flutter don't you think?

Ah, the dreams of winning that much money, wonder if I could afford to woo the disenchanted Mrs Abramovich. Should she choose to divorce her billionaire Russian oil tycoon husband Icould be in pole position to help her spend her divorce settlement. It seems £88m is just not enough for me, my old man always says you have to keep dreaming. So keep dreaming!

laters